Here I Be

This is my first YouTube video in I don’t even remember how long. To be frank with you all I have a lot of stuff going on in my place of work with the holidays and family gatherings that I just won’t even have headspace for blog posts so beginning immediately this will be my last post until the new year. Right now my priorities are my real life but perhaps I’ll have some funny stories to tell you when I get back on. This video is just me expressing how much I adore being an actual adult and accepting myself for everything I am. As is. At 26 years old I see myself saying I’m four years away from thirty and that’s a lot of more time to settle in to my skin with changing environments generally speaking and not allowing certain types of folks in my head AND filtering the not so great days a wee bit more. If nothing else the fall and winter seasons both are important times in most of our lives (mainly mine) to reflect on how we’ve been reacting not solely to others and what they say but to ourselves cause most times the worst critics are us. So Happy Thanksgiving ๐Ÿฆƒ, Happy Hanukkah ๐Ÿ•Ž, Merry Christmas ๐ŸŽ„, and have a great New Year ๐ŸŽ‡! The only New Year kiss I’m going to be getting is a Hershey’s Kiss! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‚

ยกBesos y abrazos!

๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ Happy Veterans Day ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

Happy Veterans Day! My father raised me right when is comes to truly appreciating the country I was born and raised in. The amount of freedom we have will never go without appreciation for those who have literally fought to make it possible even to this very day. That’s why I didn’t post earlier cause this day isn’t about me. It’s about thanking all those in any field that defends our country which honestly should be everyday. Red, white, and blue everyday!!!!

ยกBesos y abrazos!

Celibacy Isnโ€™t for Everyone

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault

You knew I had to write about this at some point. Being celibate myself since January 2018 wasn’t an easy decision nor has it been without it’s issues but I’m still in it and that’s how I know it’s working for me. Like I’ve stated before that going from one man to another for a couple of rendezvous was fun for a while but afterwards I realized I craved something more then just a man’s skin. I wanted a man’s heart and soul and trust. Love. So I looked up ways to go about it from different relationship experts and therapist when I found an article on celibacy. I’ll admit that I giggled at the idea but after realizing I actually had nothing to lose I told myself that I’d try it. Here I am close to two years in and I don’t regret a bit.

Now I have dated (meaning literal dates with) men over this time and realized it seriously throws them off and they become disinterested in me automatically afterwards. That had me wondering why it matters to have sex with somebody you just met that night before an actual relationship happens? The entire point in celibacy is waiting for the right person to give it up to. Then it hit me. Celibacy isn’t for everyone. Most people, men mainly, don’t and won’t want to understand those of us that choose it. They automatically go towards a religious reason or that maybe we just hate society or something ridiculous like that when really every single one of us that chose this route have our own reasons. Celibacy matters to me and to find a man that’ll accept that is few and far in between. All I want from a man is time to talk and just get to know one another but that is also a tall order. See men have the ego where if they can’t sleep with you after three dates then it’s not worth moving forward. Sometimes I joke to a coworker of mine if it’ll be easier if I was gay. He said why would that make anything easier? I said I don’t really know and that I was just talking out of my ass. He told me that even if I was batting for the same team it would still be the same bullshit. He was right so I stopped joking about it.

Celibacy isn’t easy for a lot of reasons that don’t just involve sexual needs. People around you will question why you chose it in nausea for a starting point. Sometimes those with the needy sexual egos is ourselves and thinking about going more than two weeks without sex is just straight up unimaginable. Whenever someone comes at me with those concerns I tell them my end goal and they tend to understand a little bit more. Just because some shmo wants me to go to bed with him doesn’t mean I will and that’s how I never get a call back after a date and when people hear that come out of my mouth they just seem floored. On my dating profile I put up a photo quote that said if you remove sex from a relationship you’ll see that most people have nothing to offer and that is still very true for me. Now a lot of you know already that I am quite the sexual person but that is honestly only a solid 15% of me as a whole person and THAT is what I keep reminding myself everyday through celibacy and understanding Judaism a little bit more. There is more to everyone then just things like sex, popularity, money, and giving in to what others perceive you to be. Life can be so much more greater if we all just stop to reflect on ourselves and how we’re going about this great world we’re on. Believing in my own being was hard to do and very sometimes now it still can be but I get over it by saying to myself that this is my path and I am going to see it through until I see where I am supposed to be. Celibacy isn’t what most folks think it is and it’s never going to be for everybody but I enjoy my choice and I am learning far more about myself now then I ever have and that’s where I’m at with it now. No regrets here!

ยกBesos y abrazos!

Get to Know Me Pt. 14

What is your favorite chore to do?

Grocery shopping. I love going to Trader Joe’s for all their gluten free and dairy free snacks and cereals for low prices as it makes me feel normal. Also I love when Publix has the BOGO deals every week.

What is your favorite late night snack?

A couple of spoon fulls of peanut butter with a bottle of water. A secret tip is to get a half a spoon full of peanut-butter and dunk it in to a bowl of cereal. ๐Ÿ’ฅ Probably just changed your life!

To you what is the best part of getting older?

Honestly it’s not caring about what others think of me and wondering if I can change it. The only truth I have is myself and that has become plenty enough for me.

Do you have advice to give someone younger than you?

Actually yes. Mainly just because everyone has it does it mean you need it? Trust me. That goes a LONG way to a young kid!

Have you had any interesting dreams lately?

You know they’ve been pretty sporadic. Unless I write it down I won’t remember them too well but one I can kind of recollect is being in the back of a house where a sliding glass door was to my right and a wall was to my left. A mirror was directly in front of me and I had my long brown hair and I was wearing a white cotton day dress (can’t describe it another way) and all of a sudden I hear a toddler in a crib to my left say “Momma. Up.” A beautiful baby boy who looked so much like me yet looked like someone else. I grabbed him and I looked in the mirror again and I smiled. He turned to the sliding glass door and said “Dadda”. I looked over and see a tall man in the grass playing with a dog. He waved and then I waved. I looked to the mirror again and then I woke up. That was one of only maybe one other dream I can remember.

One thing you miss about somebody.

Miss how I could talk to him and do jam sessions in the music room. As dumb as this sounds I really do miss how he would make me re-sing a track over and over and over again if I ever missed a line.

Best purchase you made recently?

Buying the Bare Minerals Complexion Gel Cream Tinted Moisturizer. Absolutely the ONLY thing I’ve ever bought that actually helps with my dark circles.

What is one thing you’ll never stop doing?

Honest to goodness I’ll never stop making film and television references.

What is a kind of animal you’ll never have as a pet?

I have a few but mainly cats and general rodents. ๐Ÿ˜ท Both of those are a HELL no cause I’m allergic to cats and rodents are just creepy.

Lastly, if you had to choose between romantic love and having children which one would you rather have?

Fu …. really? ๐Ÿ˜‘ ๐Ÿ˜’ *Giant Huff* Damn. I’d love to have both but honestly if I had to choose like in a forever way I’m gonna have to go with having children instead. Listen. Almost everybody wants a romantic partner and for about 1/8 of us it’ll never happen but choosing to teach a child about life in all its glory and downfalls is just beautiful to me. Maybe one day I really won’t have this option and it’ll all eventually fall in to place but for now … I’m living for myself and hoping I don’t bust my ass too often after 30.